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Fit Over 50? That’s Nothing. Civil War Vet Gordon Brower Managed to Fully Decay in Under 190 Years!

by Dante Gabrielli
August 20, 2024
in Culture, Fitness
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Fit Over 50? That’s Nothing. Civil War Vet Gordon Brower Managed to Fully Decay in Under 190 Years!
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As the wellness industry continues its obsession with ageless fitness, a sobering reminder of how long the journey can be has surfaced in the unlikeliest of places: the grave of Gordon Brower, a Civil War veteran who has accomplished a feat even the fittest 50-plus crowd can’t boast—complete decomposition in under 190 years.

While many people today struggle to shed a few stubborn pounds, Gordon Brower managed to go all the way, shedding every ounce of his physical being. In a society where the pursuit of health often feels endless, Brower’s total transformation—from flesh to earth—is nothing short of extraordinary. “We often talk about body transformations, but this is on a whole different level,” remarked Dr. Evelyn Matthews, an anthropologist involved in studying Brower’s remains. “He didn’t just lose weight; he transcended the physical form entirely.”

This incredible achievement serves as a stark contrast to the modern fitness craze. While today’s wellness gurus preach about slimming down and toning up, Brower demonstrated a level of commitment to bodily reduction that puts even the most rigorous diets to shame. His ability to rid himself entirely of corporeal existence in under 190 years is a feat that few, if any, could hope to match.

In an age of fitness tracking and weight-loss challenges, Brower’s final act stands as a testament to the ultimate transformation. As millions strive to shed a few pounds, Brower reminds us that with enough time, even the most stubborn body can reach a state of perfect reduction.

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Dante Gabrielli

Dante Gabrielli

ICWT Editor-In-Chief, Dante Gabrielli is a New York based journalist, fashion designer, media mogul, and luxury branding legend. In the late 1990s, Dante started In Competence We Trust with the mission of making the world more competent. Since then, the outlet has become a cultural phenomenon enlightening readers across North America & Europe. Dante is passionate about the cold hard facts. In his spare time, Dante speaks to strangers on the streets of lower Manhattan. In Competence We Trust is a satirical media outlet. All content is to be considered satirical.

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Steve Bannon Voted People Magazine’s Most Buoyant Man of 2024
Politics

Steve Bannon Voted People Magazine’s Most Buoyant Man of 2024

by Dante Gabrielli
December 31, 2024
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In an unexpected nod from People Magazine, political strategist Steve Bannon has been named the “Most Buoyant Man of 2024.”...

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