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Home Satire Business

Bill Gates Betting Big on Bomb Bunkers and 9,200,000 SPF Sunblock.

by Gabe Nipote
December 3, 2025
in Business, Satire
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Bill Gates Betting Big on Bomb Bunkers and 9,200,000 SPF Sunblock.
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In a departure from his traditional philanthropic and technological pursuits, billionaire Bill Gates is making waves with an unexpected investment strategy. The tech magnate is reportedly betting big on bomb bunkers and an ultra-high SPF sunblock that boasts an astonishing 9,200,000 SPF rating.

Gates’ investments come amidst growing concerns about global security and the effects of climate change. The bomb bunkers, equipped with Gates’ homegrown state-of-the-art technology, such as “neat Pinball machines,” aim to provide a safe haven in the event of catastrophic events, such as nuclear conflicts or natural disasters.

The 9,200,000 SPF sunblock, on the other hand, appears to be Gates’ response to escalating concerns about rising UV radiation levels due to ozone depletion. While traditional sunscreens typically offer SPF ratings in the double digits, this extreme sunblock seeks to provide unparalleled protection against harmful UV rays. Gates himself is already trialing the coconut-oil based innovation, stating, “gotta keep it pasty.”

Gates’ unconventional choices have raised eyebrows and sparked curiosity about his motivations. Some speculate that his investments reflect a growing unease about the world’s future, prompting him to explore uncharted territory in search of innovative solutions.

Gabe Nipote

Gabe Nipote

ICWT Editor-In-Chief, Dante Gabrielli is a New York based journalist, fashion designer, media mogul, and luxury branding legend. In the late 1990s, Dante started In Competence We Trust with the mission of making the world more competent. Since then, the outlet has become a cultural phenomenon enlightening readers across North America & Europe. Dante is passionate about the cold hard facts. In his spare time, Dante speaks to strangers on the streets of lower Manhattan. In Competence We Trust is a satirical media outlet. All content is to be considered satirical.

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Steve Bannon Voted People Magazine’s Most Buoyant Man of 2024
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