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Home Satire

Pope kinda thinking a cool ranch wafer could actually be sick

by Gabe Nipote
December 1, 2025
in Satire, World
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Pope kinda thinking a cool ranch wafer could actually be sick
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Reports suggest that Pope Francis has repeatedly remarked about the possibility of a Cool Ranch-flavored communion wafer. Those close to the matter say he keeps trying to say it casually, like he’s not that interested in actually doing it, but he says it too much for it to be an off-hand thought. In any case, the remarks have sparked an unlikely conversation about how the Catholic Church engages with contemporary culture.

According to sources close to the pontiff, the idea arose during an informal conversation about the Church’s connection to younger generations. “The Pope jokingly suggested that a Cool Ranch-flavored wafer could actually be ‘sick,’” said one insider, using slang to emphasize how such a move might appeal to modern sensibilities. “Wouldn’t it literally be dope?” said Pope Francis.

The comment, though lighthearted, touches on a larger discussion within the Church: how to remain relevant in an increasingly secular world while maintaining the sacredness of religious practices. The Eucharist, a solemn rite in which bread and wine are transformed into the body and blood of Christ, is central to Catholic worship. Any deviation from tradition, however humorous, invites both intrigue and scrutiny.

Reactions have been mixed. While some found relief in the Pope’s comment pushing for a menu change, others have expressed concern about trivializing the sacrament. “It’s important to maintain reverence for the Eucharist,” said one theologian, “even when engaging in lighthearted dialogue.”

Whether or not the Cool Ranch wafer will ever make an appearance in Catholic liturgy remains to be seen, but Pope Francis’ remark serves as yet another example of his willingness to embrace the unexpected in his papacy.

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Gabe Nipote

Gabe Nipote

ICWT Editor-In-Chief, Dante Gabrielli is a New York based journalist, fashion designer, media mogul, and luxury branding legend. In the late 1990s, Dante started In Competence We Trust with the mission of making the world more competent. Since then, the outlet has become a cultural phenomenon enlightening readers across North America & Europe. Dante is passionate about the cold hard facts. In his spare time, Dante speaks to strangers on the streets of lower Manhattan. In Competence We Trust is a satirical media outlet. All content is to be considered satirical.

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